I hate my job so much

I do. I hate it. I have to force myself to get out of bed every morning, to get in the shower, to attempt to look presentable, to get there on time. I don't want to go. It is well known to my friends that I would give my right arm to be a housewife.

Don't get me wrong, the people I work with are great, and that makes the difference between walking out the door right now or suffering through until the time comes when I choose to leave. I get paid decently, the benefits are comparable to any other job in this field, and most importantly, it is a job. With so many people out there that would kill to have my job, or any job for that matter, I should be grateful. But I have to admit, a small part of me hopes for a company downsizing and then I will volunteer to leave so that the dude down the hall with 2 kids isn't let go. Maybe that small hope makes me be a bad employee too. I don't put forth 100% of my effort. I piss away time on the internet, I balance my checkbook, I look up "How To" information for our next project in the basement. I know I need to get it together, because I don't want to be let go. When I go, I want it to be on my own terms.

The largest problem is my career. I don't like it. I have a degree in Civil Engineering. A little more than half-way through college I knew, deep down, this isn't what I wanted. I almost changed majors to Physics (I wizened up to that before I switched, thank goodness), I seriously almost switched to Sports Medicine. I had already accumulated 50 hours of observation at the rehab center on campus. What it came down to is that I was so far into engineering, that I didn't want to have to start over with another degree.

And, it really all worked out the way it was supposed to anyway. I graduated from Tech, I moved to where I am now, and most importantly, I meet my amazing husband. None of that would have happened if I had switched majors.

I guess I just need to suck it up and do my best. I never know if and when I will need a recommendation from these people. When we have kids, which will probably be sometime next year (how am I going to survive here for another year?) I won't have to work anymore. We have already decided that I will be a stay-at-home mom. At that point, I may start to take evening classes at the local college. Thinking about it, the career that I have always thought I would enjoy was nursing. I don't know if I want to go through all that school, so I have been considering teaching. I am good with higher lever math but would want to teach science, especially since I have never been good with explaining math concepts and intangible numbers. But that all seems so far away right now. I could just cry right now.

Until then, I guess I will prowl the internet for what I want to be when I grow up.