Argh!

My birthday is on Sunday. I will be 27. I'm getting old.

I didn't feel old turning 26, in fact, for the last 5 or 6 years I haven't felt much over 20 or 21. There is something different about this birthday. I don't if its because my mom is causing me because of all her "subtle" reminders that I don't want to wait too long to be aware of my "biological clock", or if its because I found my first white hair ::gasps:: which I promptly yanked out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, pull out one and two will grow back in its place. I don't believe that old wives tale. Still, I find myself being very anxious about this birthday.

In the back of my mind, a little voice is reminding me that there are only 3 years left until I am 30. 3 years! How in the name of all things good and holy did I get to be this close to 30. Jon turned 30 last year, and it didn't really phase him. But I guess men are different - they don't obsess over birthdays. That little voice also keeps reminding me that I vowed to not be an "older" parent. By older, I am referring to my parents; my mom was 35 and my dad was 39 when they had me. So, they are both in their 60's now. I want them to be able to enjoy their grandchildren. In the same way, I want to still be young when my children move out of the house.

I made a promise to myself that I would have all my children by the time I'm 30. I'm doing OK so far. If we get pregnant late this fall (and if all works well the first go round), we could have our first child by late summer/early fall next year. I will then be 28. Wait about a year, which I will then be 29, then try for our second. With that schedule, I would probably be 30 by then. OK, I can deal with giving birth to our second while I am 30. Since we only want two, this really works out great. I would like our kids to be close in age, like a year to two years apart max. Not sure if Jon shares my sentiment yet. Who knows, after one we might decide that's all we want. Only time will tell, I guess.

So, here's to another year. Its been a really wonderful year. Jon and I have grown together and thus closer together. 27, I welcome you, but I'm still a little hesitant...