I d-d-don't l-l-like t-t-t-talking in pu-public!

So I'm sitting here passing time. I have a meeting that I am in charge of in less than an hour. I know it will be fine, as long as I don't think about it. I HATE talking in front of people. I used to be good at it, really. I think 5 years of college and graduating from Georgia Tech has caused me to doubt myself. Seriously, to this day I don't know how I managed to graduate with a degree in Civil Engineering. Its been almost 3 years since I graduated and I'm just waiting for the call from the University saying they gave me my diploma in error. I just don't feel smart enough to have graduated from Georgia Tech.

I think my lack of self esteem affects my work in some ways. I'm always second guessing myself and I don't really make decisions on my own. My boss is really great though. He knows how unsure I am (believe me when I say I have gotten TONS better in the last 3 years) and he really encourages me. About a month ago we had an hour long talk. I was crying, not because I was upset, but because I was overwhelmed and embarrassed. Embarrassment always makes me either cry or laugh hysterically. I explained everything to him, how I'm unsure and have little confidence in myself as an engineer and my decisions. He really encouraged me and made me feel like I was doing good. Just last week, I was mentioning something to him about a decision I made concerning one of my projects. He said, "I've purposefully not said anything and just let you handle it. And you handled it wonderfully, just like you should have." I was like, huh? I had no clue, I was just doing what I thought needed to be done. I guess his little pep-talk really made a difference. I just hope any future bosses I have will be as encouraging and "pro-active" as he is. He really makes the job bearable.

So, 40 minutes until my meeting now. I'm not too concerned. I'm hungry, haven't been to lunch yet. I better go prepare myself... "Hello, my name is Ginnie. Ask me random questions and get me all flustered. You won't get any straight answers out of me." j/k